I do my best to offer grace and understanding to folks — no matter where they are, what they’re doing or how they’re doing it.
But sometimes when it comes to communicating, certain things get under my skin. I’m not sure why, they just do. So I thought I’d offer a little insight into my world with a list of my Top 12 communication pet-peeves.
(I know some of these might feel like I’m picking on you. I’m not. Trust me, there are more than one person that does each of these — and several folks do multiples of these. Consider this a confession on my behalf more than anything else. Perhaps this list will give you a little more understanding into my world — and then you can offer some insight into your world as well.)
- People who call, don’t leave a voice-mail and then complain that you didn’t call them back. I know I have caller ID on my phone, but if you don’t leave a message that asks me to call you back, chances are — I won’t.
- People who don’t listen to voice mail. I leave voice mail many times so that you don’t have to call me back. Sometimes its just to let you know something, or I just wanted to say hi. I might also leave a detailed message that I don’t want to have to repeat all over again when you call me back. I don’t mind people calling me back, but it makes things a lot nicer when they’ve listened to your voice mail first.
- People who switch communication mediums – mid-conversation. I know some folks who like to respond to e-mails via chat, rather than e-mail. While I get that to some extent, they usually pick up mid-conversation and think I know exactly what I’m talking about. They’ve just read my e-mail and that’s what’s on their mind, but as soon as I hit send, I move on to other things until I see a reply in my e-mail. Also, I have some friends that will tell you something in Facebook, you’ll reply in Facebook, and then they’ll send their reply in e-mail, or chat, or Twitter. It makes it difficult to go back and track the progress of the conversation.
- E-mail forwards. — especially political ones and/or those that have already been disproved on Snopes.com
- Starting new e-mail threads, outside of the original one. This may not happen to you much, but in our office, an e-mail gets sent to a group of say 10 people. Three people hit “reply-to-all” and send their reply to everyone. Then someone else decides to only reply to one or two people and rather than replying to the original e-mail, they start an entirely new email (without copying the original e-mail into it), with an entirely new subject line. Then along the way other people in the group will get added to this new e-mail thread and eventually you have 4 or 5 different e-mail threads you have to search through to find what you’re looking for.
- Over using “reply-to-all.” In a similar scenario, someone may send an e-mail to a group thanking them for a job well done. Then many people in the group hit “reply-to-all” saying thanks, you’re welcome, etc. etc. sending those e-mails to everyone in the group, rather than just the original sender of the e-mail. While it may not be intended, it often comes across to me as trying to be as public as you can in your kissing up to someone.
- People who don’t follow me on Twitter sending me a direct message. For those of you who don’t know, there’s a “private” way to send messages on Twitter — it’s called a direct message. But you can only send direct messages to folks who are actually following you. And unlike Facebook, you’re not required to mutually follow people. I can follow 5,000 people if I want and not one of them is required to follow me. I understand using direct messages on Twitter. I use them all the time. It’s great for “private” messages you don’t want to broadcast to everyone else. But if you’re going to send me a direct message, in order to keep the conversation “private” at least have the decency to follow me for the time being so I don’t have to “broadcast” my side of the conversation as public replies. What this comes across as to me, is that while I’m taking the time to follow you, I’m obviously not good enough for you to follow me and I’m not even worthy enough to be mentioned publicly by you. You have to hide the fact that we’re having a conversation.
- People who use Facebook as their only way to contact me, when they have my e-mail address, phone number and more (and if they don’t have it – it’s all posted on my Facebook profile). I’m don’t mind using Facebook, but it can be a bit annoying at times when you have to login to Facebook to get a message that could have easily been e-mailed instead. I guess I just don’t spend as much time on Facebook as others. I prefer e-mails simply because I can receive them and respond to them quickly and easily on my phone without logging into another site.
- Extra long e-mails. This one annoys me not because I hate reading long personal e-mails, but I always feel like I have to write a full response to them. And usually when I get these long e-mails, I may have time to read them all, but not fully respond and thus I simply let them sit in my inbox and before long they’re buried and I’ve forgotten all about them (and my need to reply).
- People who do nothing but whine and complain. There’s something about social media and Web 2.0 that makes complaining easy and tolerable by the masses. Suddenly you have an audience who is (somewhat) willing to listen to your ranting, venting and whining. But for those who do it constantly, whether its about politics, religion, how bad their life sucks, etc. etc. — uggh — it’s such a power drain.
- Spam.
So there you have it, my Top 12 communication pet-peeves (in no particular order).
Oh wait, there’s only 11 you say? Well that’s because it’s your turn! Tell me what you would put in the number 12 spot.
What did I leave out on my list? Share it in the comments below.
What things do I do while trying to communicate that drive you bonkers?
Or maybe I’m way out of line with this list. Feel free to let me know that as well.
Hi – I was afraid I would read these and find that I had a lot of correcting to do but I think the only one I am guilty of is calling people back without listening to the voicemail they left – of course that is one that is extra annoying. I don’t know if I will change my ways or not but everytime I call someone back without listening to their voicemail I will think of this list:>)
I am so glad that you mentioned the overuse of reply all – I find it annoying and at the same time start to wonder if I am committing some sort of email taboo when I don’t reply to all to say something personal like thanks or your welcome. I also get the direct message complaint. I usually just tweet back “You sent me a DM but I can’t send you one back because you aren’t following me.” Most of the time it has turned out they didn’t know they had to follow me in order for me to send them a DM.
A 12th one??? Well, I guess I would have to add that I dislike a lot of the stuff that people send me on Facebook…the hugs, hearts, tatoos. I don’t mind the game stuff – you can do something with that. I usually choose to click on “ignore” – but it makes me feel guilty – or if someone sends me something like that for a special occasion (birthday, Christmas etc) I feel like I have to accept it but I would rather just get a heartfelt note on my wall. Does that make me a killjoy?
Thanks for the response Liz. I may have to re-think this post. I really don’t want it to become a “you need to change this in order for me to communicate with me.”
I’m worried that it may have come across that way. It was meant to be more of a (semi-humorous) approach to confess some of the things that bug me — and hopefully help people understand me a little bit better.
Does that make sense?
sorry i never got back to this – sometimes I forget where I’ve been (lol) No – the post didn’t come across in any kind of negative way. I saw the humor but also the wisdom.
Hello Jonathan, yes, communication is the real issue here. Since we can’t see what the other person’s reasons are for what they do, we just have to be patient and kind to one another. You know, our enemy (Satan) would love for us to quarrel and cause misunderstandings to divide us. But we shouldn’t let the enemy win. I believe in talking things out to resolve a problem, everything in order and Christian like conduct. Then, if the problem persists, then, you leave it alone. Communication is very important to be able to understand each other better. Just like you communicated just now. Because a lot of times, it’s just a misunderstanding. And if we don’t talk about it, we will be left with that ? in that chapter of our lives. Also you shared some of the things that annoy you, but what we have to understand is: that what annoys others may not be what annoys us. And what annoys us, may not be what annoys others. Is one more important that the other? No, so we just have to be patient and kind to one another. I won’t say what annoys me, out of love and respect for others. Love helps me to endure those things that annoy me in others. The Lord has gotten me to a point, where they don’t even bother me anymore. I was telling my husband that Facebook is such a great tool for ministry. There are a lot of hurting people out there. And since sometimes, we are busy with out own thing, I wanted an opportunity to minister to others. So I asked God where I could serve. Then I found out about Facebook. I thought, “oh, great ministry tool!” What an opportunity to touch many all at one time. This is just how God lets me see things. It is said that there once was a shoe salesman that was sent to Africa to sell shoes, and he reported back to corporate office and said, “bring me back home, for no one here wears any shoes.” Then, they sent another shoe salesman and he said “send me all the shoes you can, there’s a lot of need for shoes here.” It’s all a matter of perspective. We need to learn how to see from God’s perspective. God has called us to different areas in our lives. We have to respect each others’ calling. God doesn’t call us to all areas. For God said, He wouldn’t give us more than what we could handle. My calling may not be others’ calling. Our calling is where our passion is, because God put that in our hearts in the first place. He put that passion in our hearts for that specific cause. He is orchestrating everything to bring upon His purpose. For that simple reason, we have to respect each others’ calling. Bottom line: we have to respect and be patient with one another. This is so freeing to know. I’ll tell you this has set me free from that frustration.
I want you to take this communication with the intent that it has been given (in love). My husband and I love your family very much (In the Lord).
Hello Jonathan, yes, communication is the real issue here. Since we can’t see what the other person’s reasons are for what they do, we just have to be patient and kind to one another. You know, our enemy (Satan) would love for us to quarrel and cause misunderstandings to divide us. But we shouldn’t let the enemy win. I believe in talking things out to resolve a problem, everything in order and Christian like conduct. Then, if the problem persists, then, you leave it alone. Communication is very important to be able to understand each other better. Just like you communicated just now. Because a lot of times, it’s just a misunderstanding. And if we don’t talk about it, we will be left with that ? in that chapter of our lives. Also you shared some of the things that annoy you, but what we have to understand is: that what annoys others may not be what annoys us. And what annoys us, may not be what annoys others. Is one more important that the other? No, so we just have to be patient and kind to one another. I won’t say what annoys me, out of love and respect for others. Love helps me to endure those things that annoy me in others. The Lord has gotten me to a point, where they don’t even bother me anymore. I was telling my husband that Facebook is such a great tool for ministry. There are a lot of hurting people out there. And since sometimes, we are busy with out own thing, I wanted an opportunity to minister to others. So I asked God where I could serve. Then I found out about Facebook. I thought, “oh, great ministry tool!” What an opportunity to touch many all at one time. This is just how God lets me see things. It is said that there once was a shoe salesman that was sent to Africa to sell shoes, and he reported back to corporate office and said, “bring me back home, for no one here wears any shoes.” Then, they sent another shoe salesman and he said “send me all the shoes you can, there’s a lot of need for shoes here.” It’s all a matter of perspective. We need to learn how to see from God’s perspective. God has called us to different areas in our lives. We have to respect each others’ calling. God doesn’t call us to all areas. For God said, He wouldn’t give us more than what we could handle. My calling may not be others’ calling. Our calling is where our passion is, because God put that in our hearts in the first place. He put that passion in our hearts for that specific cause. He is orchestrating everything to bring upon His purpose. For that simple reason, we have to respect each others’ calling. Bottom line: we have to respect and be patient with one another. This is so freeing to know. I’ll tell you this has set me free from that frustration.
I want you to take this communication with the intent that it has been given (in love). My husband and I love your family very much (In the Lord).
Delia thanks for your response.
You wrote…
“Also you shared some of the things that annoy you, but what we have to understand is: that what annoys others may not be what annoys us. And what annoys us, may not be what annoys others. Is one more important that the other? No, so we just have to be patient and kind to one another.”
I agree that what annoys me is in no way any more important than what annoys you. And I would hope that if I did something that annoyed you, you’d let me know. If nothing else, so I can better understand you and where you’re coming from.
I don’t expect anyone to change because I’ve listed these annoyances. Hopefully in sharing, we can learn to offer grace to one another in greater ways.
This post was really just a personal confession. If we can’t be real and honest with one another, I think we’re missing something.
Thanks again for sharing your thoughts and adding to the conversation!
Thanks! Now we are communicating. Re: being real and honest. What God has shown me to what is real is that yes, when somebody does something and it offends me, my first reaction is to lash out. But this is where the Word of God comes in to play, where it says: “he who would come after me, must deny himself/herself and take up his/her cross and follow after me.” Being real and honest isn’t like just lashing out, just blurting out the first thing that comes into our minds. God help us all! Jonathan, God has shown me the difference between being real and truth. We don’t live by feelings anymore. We live by the Word of God. If I let my feelings get the best of me, God help us. I used to live by my feelings, and I don’t like the outcome. It only leads to frustration and misery and regrets. So, that’s why when I answer anybody, it’s never what I think or feel. Just what the Word of God says. This is real of what truth really is. I know that me, without Christ, I am the most wretched person alive, but that’s why I have chosen Christ to be alive in me. I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. There’s a new sheriff in town! Isn’t this great news! If we follow our own instincts, and carnal ways, they will lead to death. We are not exercising “self control,” which is one of the fruits of the Spirit. We don’t have to be in bondage to our own sinful nature anymore. Because Christ came to show us a better way. His ways lead to life.
Thanks! Now we are communicating. Re: being real and honest. What God has shown me to what is real is that yes, when somebody does something and it offends me, my first reaction is to lash out. But this is where the Word of God comes in to play, where it says: “he who would come after me, must deny himself/herself and take up his/her cross and follow after me.” Being real and honest isn’t like just lashing out, just blurting out the first thing that comes into our minds. God help us all! Jonathan, God has shown me the difference between being real and truth. We don’t live by feelings anymore. We live by the Word of God. If I let my feelings get the best of me, God help us. I used to live by my feelings, and I don’t like the outcome. It only leads to frustration and misery and regrets. So, that’s why when I answer anybody, it’s never what I think or feel. Just what the Word of God says. This is real of what truth really is. I know that me, without Christ, I am the most wretched person alive, but that’s why I have chosen Christ to be alive in me. I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. There’s a new sheriff in town! Isn’t this great news! If we follow our own instincts, and carnal ways, they will lead to death. We are not exercising “self control,” which is one of the fruits of the Spirit. We don’t have to be in bondage to our own sinful nature anymore. Because Christ came to show us a better way. His ways lead to life.
Hello Jonathan, yes, communication is the real issue here. Since we can’t see what the other person’s reasons are for what they do, we just have to be patient and kind to one another. You know, our enemy (Satan) would love for us to quarrel and cause misunderstandings to divide us. But we shouldn’t let the enemy win. I believe in talking things out to resolve a problem, everything in order and Christian like conduct. Then, if the problem persists, then, you leave it alone. Communication is very important to be able to understand each other better. Just like you communicated just now. Because a lot of times, it’s just a misunderstanding. And if we don’t talk about it, we will be left with that ? in that chapter of our lives. Also you shared some of the things that annoy you, but what we have to understand is: that what annoys others may not be what annoys us. And what annoys us, may not be what annoys others. Is one more important that the other? No, so we just have to be patient and kind to one another. I won’t say what annoys me, out of love and respect for others. Love helps me to endure those things that annoy me in others. The Lord has gotten me to a point, where they don’t even bother me anymore. I was telling my husband that Facebook is such a great tool for ministry. There are a lot of hurting people out there. And since sometimes, we are busy with out own thing, I wanted an opportunity to minister to others. So I asked God where I could serve. Then I found out about Facebook. I thought, “oh, great ministry tool!” What an opportunity to touch many all at one time. This is just how God lets me see things. It is said that there once was a shoe salesman that was sent to Africa to sell shoes, and he reported back to corporate office and said, “bring me back home, for no one here wears any shoes.” Then, they sent another shoe salesman and he said “send me all the shoes you can, there’s a lot of need for shoes here.” It’s all a matter of perspective. We need to learn how to see from God’s perspective. God has called us to different areas in our lives. We have to respect each others’ calling. God doesn’t call us to all areas. For God said, He wouldn’t give us more than what we could handle. My calling may not be others’ calling. Our calling is where our passion is, because God put that in our hearts in the first place. He put that passion in our hearts for that specific cause. He is orchestrating everything to bring upon His purpose. For that simple reason, we have to respect each others’ calling. Bottom line: we have to respect and be patient with one another. This is so freeing to know. I’ll tell you this has set me free from that frustration.
I want you to take this communication with the intent that it has been given (in love). My husband and I love your family very much (In the Lord).
Delia thanks for your response.
You wrote…
“Also you shared some of the things that annoy you, but what we have to understand is: that what annoys others may not be what annoys us. And what annoys us, may not be what annoys others. Is one more important that the other? No, so we just have to be patient and kind to one another.”
I agree that what annoys me is in no way any more important than what annoys you. And I would hope that if I did something that annoyed you, you’d let me know. If nothing else, so I can better understand you and where you’re coming from.
I don’t expect anyone to change because I’ve listed these annoyances. Hopefully in sharing, we can learn to offer grace to one another in greater ways.
This post was really just a personal confession. If we can’t be real and honest with one another, I think we’re missing something.
Thanks again for sharing your thoughts and adding to the conversation!
Thanks! Now we are communicating. Re: being real and honest. What God has shown me to what is real is that yes, when somebody does something and it offends me, my first reaction is to lash out. But this is where the Word of God comes in to play, where it says: “he who would come after me, must deny himself/herself and take up his/her cross and follow after me.” Being real and honest isn’t like just lashing out, just blurting out the first thing that comes into our minds. God help us all! Jonathan, God has shown me the difference between being real and truth. We don’t live by feelings anymore. We live by the Word of God. If I let my feelings get the best of me, God help us. I used to live by my feelings, and I don’t like the outcome. It only leads to frustration and misery and regrets. So, that’s why when I answer anybody, it’s never what I think or feel. Just what the Word of God says. This is real of what truth really is. I know that me, without Christ, I am the most wretched person alive, but that’s why I have chosen Christ to be alive in me. I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. There’s a new sheriff in town! Isn’t this great news! If we follow our own instincts, and carnal ways, they will lead to death. We are not exercising “self control,” which is one of the fruits of the Spirit. We don’t have to be in bondage to our own sinful nature anymore. Because Christ came to show us a better way. His ways lead to life.
omg Jonathan… if you have to communicate with delia, i can understand why you have pet peeves! Wow. Oh, but as Christians we can't have pet peeves! I feel your pain…
Doug – Delia's a great friend and someone I always enjoy chatting with and communicating with – both online and offline.
She has a wonderful spirit and an amazing heart for God.
Sure we can have our pet peeves but hopefully we're showing true grace and love in the midst of them.