Photo by Jonathan Blundell
We’ll be talking about COMMUNICATION this morning at Chick-fil-A.
Good thing I have a BS in Mass Communication.
But guess what… we’re all masters of communication!
We’re always communicating from the moment we’re born… yes even Hayden and Ian were communicating with their screams and their silence. It’s a pretty basic form of communication — but they’re masters at it.
Corey Allan writes in Buck Naked Marriage:
Chances are when you and your spouse were having trouble communicating, the problem wasn’t that you didn’t hear each other; rather, you didn’t like what your spouse had to say. Everything you do and don’t do, say and don’t say, is a form of communication.
So if my wife is trying to get my attention while I’m working on something else and I don’t hear her at that moment I’m communicating that what I’m doing is more important than her. Or if I set up the bedroom with candles, play soft music, and scatter rose petals around the bed, I’ve communicated something pretty clearly without saying a word.
And if my wife comes into the room, steps over the rose petals, blows out the candles, climbs into bed, and goes to sleep she has communicated something just as clearly.
The key to communication is being sure you understand what the other person is trying to express — in the midst of their word choice, tone, attitude, body language and more — and then being certain the message you’re trying to deliver is understood as well.
One of the best things I’ve picked up from a good friend is simply asking the question — “Let me be sure I’m understanding what you’re saying… so you’re saying….”
Not only does it help solidify what we’re being told in our own minds but helps the other person understand how their message is being portrayed or understood.
Corey also gives to great tips towards improving your communication…
- Focus on the intention – what’s really intended here, what’s being said that’s not being said?
- Seek compassionate connection – don’t tie your conversation to a particular outcome. Focus instead on being clear with your message and being sure you clearly understand their message.
Imagine if we really took the time to follow these steps…
I think we’re pretty good at the first — at least when people have poor intentions — but we’re also quick to simply keep our conversations shallow so we don’t have to dig into anything too painful.
And just think about how different your discussions with your spouse, or kids, or co-workers or boss might be if you weren’t stuck on trying to “prove a point” or “win the argument” but instead looked for a compassionate connection where both sides were heard.
No agendas… No forcing your ideals on others… Just always looking for ways to build deeper relationships with others.
What would that look like?
When do you struggle most in communicating with others?
Read more about communication in marriage relationship in Corey Allan’s book, Buck Naked Marriage.