Communication breakdown

7/365

Photo by Jonathan Blundell

We’ll be talking about COMMUNICATION this morning at Chick-fil-A.

Good thing I have a BS in Mass Communication.

But guess what… we’re all masters of communication!

We’re always communicating from the moment we’re born… yes even Hayden and Ian were communicating with their screams and their silence. It’s a pretty basic form of communication — but they’re masters at it.
Corey Allan writes in Buck Naked Marriage:

Chances are when you and your spouse were having trouble communicating, the problem wasn’t that you didn’t hear each other; rather, you didn’t like what your spouse had to say. Everything you do and don’t do, say and don’t say, is a form of communication.

So if my wife is trying to get my attention while I’m working on something else and I don’t hear her at that moment I’m communicating that what I’m doing is more important than her. Or if I set up the bedroom with candles, play soft music, and scatter rose petals around the bed, I’ve communicated something pretty clearly without saying a word.

And if my wife comes into the room, steps over the rose petals, blows out the candles, climbs into bed, and goes to sleep she has communicated something just as clearly.

The key to communication is being sure you understand what the other person is trying to express — in the midst of their word choice, tone, attitude, body language and more — and then being certain the message you’re trying to deliver is understood as well.

One of the best things I’ve picked up from a good friend is simply asking the question — “Let me be sure I’m understanding what you’re saying… so you’re saying….”

Not only does it help solidify what we’re being told in our own minds but helps the other person understand how their message is being portrayed or understood.

Corey also gives to great tips towards improving your communication…

  • Focus on the intention – what’s really intended here, what’s being said that’s not being said?
  • Seek compassionate connection – don’t tie your conversation to a particular outcome. Focus instead on being clear with your message and being sure you clearly understand their message.

Imagine if we really took the time to follow these steps…

I think we’re pretty good at the first — at least when people have poor intentions — but we’re also quick to simply keep our conversations shallow so we don’t have to dig into anything too painful.

And just think about how different your discussions with your spouse, or kids, or co-workers or boss might be if you weren’t stuck on trying to “prove a point” or “win the argument” but instead looked for a compassionate connection where both sides were heard.

No agendas… No forcing your ideals on others… Just always looking for ways to build deeper relationships with others.

What would that look like?

When do you struggle most in communicating with others?

Read more about communication in marriage relationship in Corey Allan’s book, Buck Naked Marriage.

A little change in direction?

Turn
Turn | Photo by mikemcnally

I’m considering a slight name change for my blog…

From Stranger in a Strange Land to simply “Jonathan D. Blundell” – with Stranger in a Strange Land as the “tag” or “description”…

Can’t decide if it’s more or less confusing.

Thoughts?

Adventures in fatherhood – All hands on deck

As a parent of twins… there are days you really wish you had four arms.

And then there are mornings like today… when you wish you had eight.

5 a.m. feeding
5 a.m. feeding

2 boys.

3 spit-ups.

1 dirty bib.

1 new outfit.

1 nasty vomit that landed right in poor Hayden’s face 🙁

1 frantic dad trying to find his aspirator to finish cleaning him up.

Yup, eight arms would have been nice this morning…. that and an extra 45 minutes.

Of course it could always be worse

Happy Birthday to my boys

Me and my boys
Me and my boys

Yesterday was our boys’ one month birthday.

Hard to believe it’s been a month already (and in many ways… hard to believe it’s only been a month ;-)).

And through it all I think Laurie’s found her new muse(s). She’s being writing some great blog posts lately — as well as catching her photography fever again.

It’s really been a thrill to see her with the boys over the past month.

Laurie and her boys
Laurie and her boys
Laurie and Ian after his first bath
Laurie and Ian after his first bath

She’s amazed me day in and day out… especially considering how little sleep she’s been getting… and even more so knowing she’s been at home with the boys all day by herself since I started back to work last week.

I’m so excited to share this new part of our journey with her!

A few other photos from the past few weeks…

Pinned!
Pinned!
Hayden one month old
Hayden one month old
Arm wrestling
Arm wrestling
Showing off their personalities
Showing off their personalities?
Ian one month old
Ian one month old

For those of you wondering… Presley (our dog) has been hanging out at Laurie’s parents’ the last month as we’ve adapted to having the boys at home. She came back home Friday night and it’s been weird having her around the house because she seems sooo much larger than what I remember. She’s behaved great with the boys… she just seems so much bigger than I remember.

Once we took this picture yesterday I think I understand why…

Hanging with Presley
Hanging with Presley

I’ve gotten used to being around 6-7 lb babies rather than a 15 lb dog. She dwarfs them! (and I think Hayden’s realizing that! :-))

A Thanksgiving Fast

serving food at the mission
serving food at the mission | photo by Theo Hughes

An untold story of the first Thanksgiving…

In 1623, the colony was still struggling to survive. The colonists were critically low on food. For months they had been expecting a ship with supplies and additional colonists. The spring planting of Indian corn and beans began well. By mid-July, however, “it pleased God, for our further chastisement, to send a great drought, insomuch as in six weeks after the latter setting there scarce fell any rain; so the stalk of that which was first set began to send forth the ear, before it came to half growth, and that which was later was not like to yield any at all, both blade and stalk hanging the head, and changing color in such a manner, as we judged it utterly dead. Our beans also ran not up according to their wonted manner, but stood at a stay, many being parched away, as though they had been scorched before the fire. Now were our hopes overthrown, and we discouraged, our joy being turned into mourning.” Additionally, the expected ship had not been heard of for three months, “only the signs of a wreck were seen along the coast, which could not be judged to be any other than the same.” The colonists were devastated. “The most courageous were now discouraged, because God, which hitherto had been our only shield and supporter, now seemed in his anger to arm himself against us.”

These misfortunes “moved not only every good man privately to enter into examination with his own estate between God and his conscience, and so to humiliation before him, but also more solemnly to humble ourselves together before the Lord by fasting and prayer. To that end a day was appointed by public authority,….” Winslow did not describe the religious exercises, but stated that they lasted “some eight or nine hours.” The next morning “distilled such soft, sweet, and moderate showers of rain, continuing some fourteen days, and mixed with such seasonable weather, as it was hard to say whether our withered corn or drooping affections were most quickened or revived.” Captain Myles Standish, returning from the north, brought further good news. The supplies and new colonists were safe, although delayed, and again on their way.

Their prayers answered, the colonists thought “it would be great ingratitude, if secretly we should smother up the same, or content ourselves with private thanksgiving for that, which by private prayer could not be obtained. And therefore another solemn day was set apart and appointed for that end; wherein we returned glory, honor, and praise, with all thankfulness, to our good God, which dealt so graciously with us;….”

This, then, was the first Thanksgiving Day held in Plymouth Colony. It occurred most likely at the end of July and consisted of a lengthy church service. Probably, there was no feasting. Bradford lamented in his history, that when the new colonists arrived soon after, the “best they could present their friends with was a lobster or a piece of fish without bread or anything else but a cup of fair water.” Descriptions of later observances in surviving church records provide more details of the probable structure of the services. – via Plimoth.org

Ben Franklin wrote in 1785:

The Real Story of the First Thanksgiving
By Benjamin Franklin (1785)

There is a tradition that in the planting of New England, the first settlers met with many difficulties and hardships, as is generally the case when a civiliz’d people attempt to establish themselves in a wilderness country. Being so piously dispos’d, they sought relief from heaven by laying their wants and distresses before the Lord in frequent set days of fasting and prayer. Constant meditation and discourse on these subjects kept their minds gloomy and discontented, and like the children of Israel there were many dispos’d to return to the Egypt which persecution had induc’d them to abandon.

At length, when it was proposed in the Assembly to proclaim another fast, a farmer of plain sense rose and remark’d that the inconveniences they suffer’d, and concerning which they had so often weary’d heaven with their complaints, were not so great as they might have expected, and were diminishing every day as the colony strengthen’d; that the earth began to reward their labour and furnish liberally for their subsistence; that their seas and rivers were full of fish, the air sweet, the climate healthy, and above all, they were in the full enjoyment of liberty, civil and religious.

He therefore thought that reflecting and conversing on these subjects would be more comfortable and lead more to make them contented with their situation; and that it would be more becoming the gratitude they ow’d to the divine being, if instead of a fast they should proclaim a thanksgiving. His advice was taken, and from that day to this, they have in every year observ’d circumstances of public felicity sufficient to furnish employment for a Thanksgiving Day, which is therefore constantly ordered and religiously observed. – via HumanEvents.com

Is it odd that a day originally recognized as a day of humbling ourselves and fasting has become a day of gorging ourselves on food, followed by a “holiday” celebrating by shopping, shopping and more shopping?

May we find new unique ways to humble ourselves during this time of year and find new ways to serve our fellow man.

Seven films to watch over the holiday season

Oregon-Portland-August 2009-13 anime theatre sepia
Oregon-Portland-August 2009-13 anime theatre sepia | Photo by eprater

I love me some movies… especially those that tell a great story, make me think, teach me something new or challenge my way of thinking.

Perhaps that’s why I really appreciate the art of documentary.

With the holidays coming up, a lot of us will have more downtime than normal. So rather than popping the same ole’ comedy into the DVD player, try some of these thought-provoking documentaries on for size.

If you have a Netflix account, most of these can be viewed instantly on your computer (Wii, mobile phone or any other Netflix enabled device.)
Continue reading Seven films to watch over the holiday season