Why Waste Time Voting

Since working at The Belton Journal, I’ve noticed something that I don’t recall ever seeing to quite the extreme before.
Maybe it’s happened before and I simply have not been keen enough to realize it, but in Bell County and Belton we have seen a number of elections turned around (or attempted to) thanks to petitions and other means.
If one side is unhappy with the election we simply rally behind a petition to overturn the decision — or we change things up and hold another election.
We’ve also seen a very disappointing turn-out at the polls, so apparently people continue to remain apathetic towards area issues.
So, with several elections coming up, I began to think of ways we could decide key issues without wasting our time or tax payers money. So here are my top-ten election alternatives.
10. Royal Rumble – Each side is allowed 15 contestants with a new contestant entering the wrestling ring every two minutes. Each contestant stays in the ring until they are thrown over the ropes by an opponent. The last man standing wins.
Advantage – Former Belton Journal Sports Editor Chris Allman. Although I’m not sure which side he would take on our current issues, but he’s probably the only one with any real “in the ring experience.”
9. Paper, rock scissors – A classic game used to pick sides, home team, who has to walk the dog or any other numerous decisions that are made around the world each day.
Advantage – Marion Grayson. She’s a package broker by nature, so she knows all about paper and scissors. And who knows, she may have packaged up some rocks before too.
8. Stare down – First person to blink, smile or twitch looses.
Advantage – Carrol Wallace and Corbett Finney. They’ve been standing fast and strong on lower taxes in Belton for as long as I’ve known them. I can’t see them budging at this game either.
7. Curling (County courts complex) – This is such an unusual (but cool) Olympic sport of sending a 42-pound rock down a lane towards a small target. And what other sport lets you use a broom to win?
Advantage – I don’t know that there would be a clear cut advantage in this game. With every issue people are skilled at sweeping damaging facts under the carpet, so it might just be a question of who get it done faster.
6. Quake Tournament – Why not give each side a chance to shoot and kill their opponent in a virtual computer game? Winner takes all.
Advantage – David Leigh. With his engineering degree from the University of Texas and his experience with technology and computers, he would be a sure fire win.
5. Dodge ball – This game always proved and decided who the real bullies on the block were.
Advantage – I think we all have our own opinions of who the biggest bully on the block is, but I’m going to give the advantage to the side with the most players. It’s a simple mathematical equation, whoever has the most players on the team usually wins.
4. Demolition derby – This one should really attract the general public with the car crunching sounds of cars piling up everywhere.
Advantage – Dwayne Digby. As a car salesman he should have no problem getting the biggest, baddest, toughest diesel truck possible. He’ll be able to crunch the competition to shreds.
3. Slam dunk contest – Every one is given a shot to wow the crowd with their style and grace.
Advantage – John Galligan. With his experience as a Judge Advocate General, Galligan knows how to wow a jury and crowd with is style and finesse, in and out of the courtroom. I’m sure he can do the same on a basketball court as well.
2. Slip and slide – First one down the slippery mat wins.
Advantage – Me. At 6’5” I have a definite height advantage. I can outstretch even the best of them. Also, I’ll be willing to shave my head again to cut- down on any drag created by extra weight around my waist line. Of course that means I decide everything for Belton and become supreme ruler.
1. Re-vote – Since no one is ever really happy with the outcome of elections in Belton, (and people will be ready to petition me out of office in a month) let’s just hold a new election every month for city council, commissioners court, school board and any other pressing issues. How about best three out of five wins?
My name is Jonathan Blundell and I have approved this column.