Adventures in Fatherhood: Noticing the other

Two wide awake boys
Two wide awake boys | Photo by Jonathan Blundell

It’s so interesting to see how the two boys respond to one another.

At a few days more than two weeks old, it’s hard to definitively tell whether or not they realize there’s another brother/baby in the room.

Sometimes they’ll sleep right through the other one’s crying.

Sometimes they’ll sound as if they’re talking to one another with grunts and moans.

The other day we placed them both in the Pack-N-Play and Hayden was laying with his arms up, and his hands tucked under his head… totally chill-axin’.
Continue reading Adventures in Fatherhood: Noticing the other

Homeless man Under Pressure

A video shared by Mark Horvath:

(I) Keep coming up with love but it’s so slashed and torn
Why – why – why ?
Love love love love love
Insanity laughs under pressure we’re cracking
Can’t we give ourselves one more chance
Why can’t we give love that one more chance
Why can’t we give love give love give love give love give love give love give love give love give love
‘Cause love’s such an old fashioned word
And love dares you to care for
The people on the edge of the night
And love dares you to change our way of
Caring about ourselves

BTW – I’ll be speaking about this crazy love this coming Sunday at encounter in Waxahachie. Come join the discussion at 10:30 a.m. CST. If you can’t make it to Waxahachie Sunday morning you should be able to join in online – live.encounterthis.com

UPDATE: Mark tells me this man is not homeless. His name is Sky Soleil and he lives in Los Angeles. Mark wrote, “I think this is a cute video and it made me smile, but Sky should have been upfront about not really being homeless. being dishonest and using a gimmick to help a video get views sucks!” I agree.

UPDATE 2: This is from the description on YouTube:

This is a performance meant to entertain and inspire.

If you want to help…

http://www.squidoo.com/help-the-homel…

http://homelessness.change.org/nonpro…

As I said this is a performance. I don’t want there to be any doubts about my situation. I am a performer. I have a roof over my head and I have yet to start my own family. But this video isn’t about me. This is for the men, women and children on our streets who don’t have bright green puppets on their hands. The people who aren’t always as easy to see. This is for you.

http://invisiblepeople.tv/blog/

UPDATE 3: Change.org posted an interview with Sky Soleil, the actor in the video. A great interview – worth reading. Shows how a simple act can really spur a lot of people to action.

How should we love?

Laundry Love Red Oak
Laundry Love Red Oak | Photo by Jen Hunt

When I think about love and what true love means, my heart, mind and soul always go back to the points in my life where I’ve screwed up… when I did something wrong… when I realized I made a mistake… and someone took the time to show me grace and compassion.

I’ve been lucky to have several moments like that in my life. I know others aren’t as lucky.

Perhaps that’s put a rose-tinted lens on my view of love, but I think its truer, more beautiful (and more biblical) view of what love really is.

You see, anyone can point out our mistakes. (Ever watch the pundits on cable TV?)

But it takes something special, something extraordinary to look beyond a person’s failings and offer grace and compassion instead.

It’s easy for me walk away when someone’s hurt me or done me wrong — but far harder to stay by someone’s side and forgive them 70 times 7.

It’s easier for me to cast judgment and ignore someone for their past — but far harder to see real beauty in their life and the potential they have within them.

It takes a power outside of me to love the un-loved. It takes a power outside of me to forgive when I’ve been wronged. It takes a power outside of me to love the friend who’s stabbed me in the back over and over again.

My standard response is to cast a judgment over someone quick enough that I can make excuses for why I shouldn’t have to get to know them or love them.

But in the movie, “Lord Save Us From Your Followers,” (which is now available for instant viewing on Netflix) Tony the Beat Poet makes the point, “If we love somebody — we go out of our way to find out who they are.”

And I don’t think that means, we go out of our way to find out all their faults and mistakes and screw-ups. I think it means we go out of our way to find the beauty that’s inside of them.

Now does that mean we ignore every wrong we see?

I don’t think so.

I think we can all agree that there is a time and place where wrongs, mistakes and even sins should be discussed.

But I don’t think it’s in the judgmental, condemning ways we’ve become accustomed to — and quite honestly I think the Holy Spirit does a fine job of convicting people and doesn’t need my help at all.

In my mind, I see the Church functioning best when lay down our swords, turn them into plowshares and begin to wrestle with the struggles of life together.

And to me, that’s a people starting out, by offering a space of grace. A space where you’re free to be yourself, express your doubt, express your frustrations, talk about the issues you’re dealing with and know that you won’t be condemned or shunned by anyone because of your decisions in life. And a space where everyone is honest, authentic and open before they start expecting it of others.

Think of an AA meeting. No one is expected to talk and share until they’re comfortable with the group. And that level of comfortableness comes from the honesty, authenticity and grace of others.

Secondly, I see us taking those spaces of grace and being intentional about the relationships within our spheres of influence. We make a point to meet with friends over coffee. We make it a point to invite someone over to dinner. We make it a point to break bread together. We make it a point to grow our relationships.

And finally, I see us sharing relevant truth with one another. This is where the Holy Spirit can do some really cool things. Because we’ve been intentional about our relationships and because we’ve built our relationships around love and not condemnation, people tend to be far more willing to listen to truth than when they’ve had their faults flaunted in front of them (at least I know I have).

And it’s in these moments that I’ve seen the Holy Spirit do some really cool things.

Suddenly, I’m sharing something that I’m wrestling with — and before you know it, three other guys in the group are realizing they’re dealing with the exact same issue and they admit their own struggles and failings. And then we wrestle with the Truth together and find out how to really apply to our own personal situations.

And it’s in those moments of wrestling together that we learn to love even deeper, we learn to encourage even move and we learn to see how broken and desperate we all are.

If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don’t love, I’m nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. If I speak God’s Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, “Jump,” and it jumps, but I don’t love, I’m nothing. If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.

Love never dies. Inspired speech will be over some day; praying in tongues will end; understanding will reach its limit. We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete. But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled.

When I was an infant at my mother’s breast, I gurgled and cooed like any infant. When I grew up, I left those infant ways for good.

We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!

But for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead us toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.

All you need is love… but how do we show it?

Love Wins
Love Wins | Photo by Jonathan Blundell

Lately, I’ve noticed a number of people talking about how much they love others.

It reminds me of the “competition” you hear new couples play… “I love you.” “I love you more.” “No, I love you more.” “No, I love you more than that…”

But perhaps the sad side of this love fest is that I’m seeing two different kinds of love expressed.

One side says, “I love you so much I’m going to point out where you’re wrong so you can come clean, repent and get yourself right.”

The other side says, “I love you so much I’m going to ignore everything you’re doing wrong and accept you and everyone else.”

So while it seems that while everyone wants to love others — neither side has agreed upon a proper definition of love.

And to justify their behavior, one side points to Jesus calling out the wrongs of the religious pharisees of his day as the true example of love.

The other side points to Jesus choosing not to condemn the woman caught in adultery as a true example of love (John 8).

Quite an interesting contrast — both coming from stories about the same man.

I’m going to write more about this later but I want to hear thoughts from you — as Insurgents of Love…

How do you show love? How have people shown real love to you? How should we show love?

1 Timothy 5:8 – How do you read it?

A good friend shared a video from Mark Driscoll on Facebook yesterday.

I saw it a while back and it got me worked up then… and when I saw it again yesterday (I need to work on that).

In it Driscoll and his wife discuss the role of a husband in “providing for” his family. He points to 1 Timothy 5:8 in saying that a man who does not provide for his family has lost the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

But I think we’re missing something when we read the verse in that manner.

I tend to believe there’s a lot more going on than the point Driscoll is trying to make.

1st, I don’t believe 1 Tim. 5:8 has to be read as gender specific as Driscoll wants us to believe. The ESV, KJV, NIV and other translations begin with “anyone” or “if any.” Our modern translations use “his” later in the verse but I don’t think we have to read this text as gender specific, simply because it’s been translated with “his” – which can also be used as gender neutral.

2nd, I don’t believe “provide for” has to mean working a paying job every day. Provide can simply mean “to make preparation to meet a need.” And I think a better explanation of provide in this use would be “care for” which is what several translations have opted for instead. When I read this verse I see a picture of a family working together to be sure all needs are met. If a husband has a journalism degree and doesn’t make much money – and his wife has a doctorate and makes loads of money – it might make a lot more sense for the wife to work while the husband stays home with the child — and vice versa.

Providing for and caring for a family can mean any number of things and I don’t believe we should be limiting ourselves (or others) in what it should look like in one another’s family.

3rd, I also think Driscoll is playing a game of proof-texting here. This verse takes on an entirely new meaning for me when you read it with the verses before and after it. When you read from verse 1, Paul tells Timothy to care for the elderly men in the community as fathers (or as family) and then he instructs Timothy to be sure to care for the widows as well. But… he adds, if there’s a widow in my family — I should be certain I’m caring for her and not expecting the church or anyone else to do that. “But if a widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show godliness to their own household and to make some return to their parents, for this is pleasing in the sight of God.

It’s after he makes these points that Paul says not caring for/providing for your family shows someone has denied the faith.

After all, our faith is the outer expression of God’s love in us. We are to show love to the world — but it’s really hard to show love to the world if we don’t first learn to show love to those at home.

But this is just how I read it… how do you read it?