A day of mixed emotions

Some days you wake up not knowing how you should feel.

Today is one of those days.

Six years ago today, around 1 or 2 in the afternoon, I received a phone call that changed my life forever.

My sister Amy had passed away.

As C.S. Lewis said about the death of a close loved one – it’s like an amputation. You never get over it. You don’t out grow it. You don’t get used to it. You just learn to live without it.

On the flip side of my emotions is the celebration that my boys turn five months old today.

It was just five months ago, at 2:36 in the afternoon that both boys entered the world and changed my life forever.

It’s been five months of far less sleep than needed, lots of dirty diapers, lots of frustration at times and far more fun than any dad should be allowed to have.

And so while I celebrate their life and all the joy it brings, I continue to grieve my loss.

I know my sister would have loved my boys to pieces. She would have been an amazing aunt — just like my sister Kara is.

Beyond just the anniversary of my sister’s death, days like these always bring back mixed emotions. My wedding day, the birth of my boys, my sister’s wedding day, the day we bought our first house, the day we bought our second house… all of these make the loss of a close loved one hard to bear. You just wish they could be there.

…but the past is the past. Today is the present. And the future is all we can really change.

So as I remember the past and grieve the loss of my sister, my grandparents and others who missed the blessing of knowing my boys — I will take time to be present with my boys and always remind them to follow the example of their rich family legacy and to truly live a life worth living.