Five questions with Theresa Seeber

Everyone has a story. What’s yours?

What does an average day look like for you?

An average day for me starts with one or more of three very cute, small children climbing into the bed with me to wake me up with a cuddle. How sweet is that? I spend the first part of my day homeschooling these same three little ones. They range in age from 3 to 8, so schooling still involves a lot of fun and games. Growing up, my favorite thing to do was to go to school, and the only job I’ve ever seriously considered (and went to college to train for) is a school teacher. So, homeschooling is a sort of dream come true for me. My oldest (15) will be starting high school in a week! Amazing.

What’s been the best day of your life?

The best days of my life were the four days my children were born. I know a lot of people choose those days, and it may not be very creative of me, but the experiences were so amazing, so life-changing, that there have not been any days better. To meet for the first time an extension of my very self, and my husband’s, has been the most amazing thing ever. Looking into their eyes after 9 months of waiting and dreaming and planning is positively Divine. Holding their sweet, tiny, vulnerable bodies for the first time, wrapping them up in blankets and love, has to be the most beautiful thing I have ever done. They are the most important thing in my life, despite the fact that I often forget that in the hectic day to day.

What’s been your greatest achievement in life thus far?

I think my greatest achievement has been getting to know who I am, and accepting and loving that person. It took me just over 30 years to first love myself. Growing up I was one of only two or three kids in school who had red hair and freckles. I was the minority. And the kids reminded me of that fact every day. I was the “yucky” kid. The different one. The ugly one. It hurt so bad to grow up with that message, even from my closest friends. When I got married at 21 to a man who not only accepted my red hair and freckles, but really liked them, it still took him years to help me see my own beauty.

Also, I have OCD, and unlike most folks who develop it during puberty, I have had it at least since the age of 5 or 6. So I have always had a lot to say, a lot of fears, a lot of control issues, and a lot of nervous tics. So, people have always kinda had a problem with me in some way or another. And being an only child, I missed out on a lot of the social foundations kids with siblings develop early in life. I had to develop them in my marriage. That road has been rocky, as I have learned to not be so selfish.

What made the biggest difference in helping you achieve that goal?

As far as reaching that state, my biggest help has been Jesus. When I was very little, maybe 6 or 7, there was a church booth at the local Fair. A man running the booth got down on his knee to be my height (I was also the second shortest kid in class for years) and invited me to come talk to him. My parents, neither church-goers at all, thankfully let me go. I have never been the same since. He told me about Jesus for the first time I remember, and told me Jesus could actually live in my heart – dwell within me. I was one of those kids who thought all my stuffed animals and dolls were really alive, so this was not a stretch to my imagination at all. I was thrilled. Especially because the man didn’t talk about hell or condemnation, he only talked about Jesus’ love for me. It was so pure, so beautiful. After that day, my awareness of Jesus in me was really solid.

Looking back, it’s amazing how aware of him I was. I had constant access to him. I always just knew he was there. And I talked to him all the time, even mentally, from a very early age. I ended up attending the church the man’s booth represented, which amazingly was only a block away from my house. My parents didn’t go with me, rather I took the bus with my friend. When she stopped going to pursue gymnastics, I stopped going too. I had been taught by the children’s church teachers so much about the God I so loved, and my times there I still cherish. But I didn’t want to go alone anymore, so I simply stopped going. It’s funny, but my Mom, who wasn’t even going with me, told me I should have kept going. She must have known how I loved Jesus.

When my dog died around the age of 10, I told God I was finished with him. I had prayed, telling him that if he let her die I wouldn’t believe in him anymore. And for the next four years, I was acutely aware of the God I was ignoring. I had gone from praying always, especially at bedtime, to actively cultivating a silence between him and me. When I got in trouble with the law at 14, I was taken to the Vineyard church, and under the care of Brent Rue, a man ahead of his time missionally, I crumbled under the weight of Jesus’ love. I returned full force and the lost years between us simply melted away.

As a defiant youth, I found myself deeply entrenched in destructive lifestyles no matter how hard I tried to fly right, yet I never did walk away from his presence in me again. I even silently prayed over my drugs before I took them, praying that they’d not kill or harm me, and that I wouldn’t get caught using them. I was very promiscuous, and was involved in witchcraft, the active pursuit of specific demons, and “cutting” way before it became trendy. I even cut my friends, with their permission.

When the time for high school graduation was drawing near, I was using speed, smoking cigarettes and drinking alcohol. I would mix and match, and occasionally snort or smoke things I couldn’t even identify. My habits had gotten so bad, I was using on campus regularly. I was smoking between a half to a whole pack of cigarettes a day. (During summer breaks, I would use much more, not hindered by classes or having to hide it from my family.)

I started going to this little church across the street from the high school on my lunch breaks, and got this real desire to live a better life than I was living. I wanted to return to the Christian life, so to speak. So I quit using everything, cold turkey. I waited for the withdrawals to come, and I prayed for help. But they never came. It was a miracle. I simply quit. It was amazing. I felt so healthy, so free. I graduated as a sober, right-living Christian. I thank God often that I did so, because as I said, school was always my favorite place to be. What a gift.

The summer that followed high school, I “backslid” yet again. I started partying again and knew I couldn’t stop. I was beginning to think I would never truly be free. Then, one day, I found out I was pregnant. It was Halloween day, four months graduation. I was 18 (and very immature), and didn’t know who the father was. There were three possible choices, none of whom cared much about me. That was the turning point for me. Since that day, I have never been the same. I dropped the drugs, the drinking, the friends who were entrenched in the lifestyle I was so weak to avoid. I became the mother I always knew I would one day, somehow, be. It has been 15 years, and I have never returned to the things that had been so destructive in my life before. There were things that I had to work through, but all in all it’s amazing how Jesus held my hand and simply led me once I was in that position.

If you could solve one problem in the world – what would it be?

As far as changing one problem in the world, if given the chance, I would be tempted to choose one of either world hunger, human trafficking, child abuse, homelessness, or some other majorly pressing issue that is causing so much harm and oppression to so many. But rather than choosing one, I would choose to solve the problem that causes every one of those very things that I am so emblazoned about. I would cure people’s disregard for others. I would instill in them a love and empathy and care for one another that would make it impossible for injustice to exist in this world. Can you imagine what a world it would be if we simply did what Jesus asks us to, and loved one another?

Theresa lives with her husband and four children in California. She blogs at eyesofhope.wordpress.com and you can follow her on Twitter at @theresaseeber