Category: Humor

Ways to maintain a healthy level of insanity

I may have run this before but in case I haven’t, this is a fun read from Mark Batterson:
Got an email today, Ways to Maintain a Healthy Level of Insanity, that produced high levels of LOL. Thought I’d pass a few of my favorites:

1. At Lunch Time, sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point A Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don’t Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, Ask If They Want Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label It “In.”

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. Finish All Your sentences with “In Accordance With The Prophecy.”

7. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

8. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

9. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is “To Go.”

10. Sing Along At The Opera.

11. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can’t Attend Their Party Because You’re Not In The Mood.

12. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

13. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream “I Won!, I Won!”

A two foot span

So here’s an interesting sight…
One of the local banks here in Waxahachie apparently has some serious problems with their marquee sign at their local branch.
A few weeks ago the sign said it was -194 degrees. I know it was cold but didn’t realize it was that cold.
We ran a picture of the sign in the paper as a caption this.
Very shortly after that the sign was changed/repaired.
Now tonight I saw that one side of the sign said 68 degrees, while the other side said 66 degrees. It’s amazing how two feet or so can change a temperature so dramatically.
And less than two blocks away, my outside thermometer said 63 degrees.
Speaking of signs, one of the local drugstores advertised a special on Coke and Pepsis recently: 4 Cokes $1200
Then this week: 3 Pepsi $800
Maybe they’re selling the machines themselves rather than individual cans or 12 packs.

Meteorologist – maybe the easiest job in the world

Reid Slaughter at Frontburner suggests meteorologists may have the easiest job in the world. I think he’s right.

Consider the following: to be a TV weatherman,
1. You do not have to have any knowledge or opinions of your own. All you do is wake up in the morning and log on here and download your forecast from the experts. Let your fancy graphics do the rest.
2. You do not have to be good-looking, unless you’re a woman (in which case it helps to be a smokin’ hot babe).
3. You certainly don’t need much personality, or a good wardrobe.
4. You get to be wrong ALL THE TIME and still keep your job.

You know it’s cold when…

5. You can see your breath while sitting at your office cubicle.
4. Your money really is burning a whole in your pockets to keep you warm.
3. The television meteorologists have been predicting the end of mankind for the last six nights.
2. Republicans and Democrats are holding hands and gathering in small huddles with each other just to stay warm.
1. You put your coat on at 7:55 a.m. before you leave for work and don’t take it off again until you climb into bed at 11:30 p.m.