I say our battle because I’m not the only one going through this, I’m not the only one whose not able to have a baby. Jonathan has to go through the disappointment just as much as I do. I received this email from a friend tonight and feel like it pretty much sums up how I feel and what I’m going through. As I read through this I just sat there thinking, “ya, that’s right, that’s me…”. Here ya go, you can read it for yourself:
“Couples experiencing infertility often receive well-meaning but extremely insensitive “advice.” We can all list the most popular ones: “Just relax and you’ll get pregnant,” or “adopt and you’ll get pregnant,” of the most painful from those who think they’ve got the goods on God’s plan, “Maybe God never meant for you to have children.” The sheer audacity of making a statement like that never fails to amaze me.
These same people would never walk up to someone seeking treatment for cancer and say, “Maybe God never meant for you to live.” However, because I am infertile, I’m supposed to get on with my life. It’s hard to understand that people cannot see infertility for what it is, a disease for which I have to seek treatment. What if Jonas Salk had said to the parents of polio victims, “Maybe God meant for thousands of our children to be cripples, live in an iron lung or die.” What if he’d never tried to find a cure? Who could think for one minute that that was God’s plan?
What do I think God meant when he gave me infertility?
I think he meant for my husband and I to grow closer, become stronger, love deeper. I think God meant for us to find the fortitude within ourselves to get up every time infertility knocks us down. I think God meant for our medical community to discover medicines, invent medical equipment, create procedures and protocols. I think God meant for us to find a cure for infertility.
No, God never meant for me not to have children. That’s not my destiny; that’s just a fork in the road I’m on. I’ve been placed on the road less traveled, and like it or not, I’m a better person for it. Clearly, God meant for me to develop more compassion, deeper courage, and greater inner strength on this journey to resolution, and I haven’t let him down.
Frankly, if the truth be known, I think God has singled me out for a special treatment. I think God meant for me to build a thirst for a child so strong and so deep that when that baby is finally placed in my arms, it will be the longest, coolest, most refreshing drink I’ve ever known.
While I would never choose infertility, I cannot deny that a fertile woman could never know the joy that awaits me. Yes, one way or another, I will have a baby of my own. And the next time someone wants to offer me unsolicited advice I’ll say, “Don’t tell me what God meant when he handed me infertility. I already know.”
One day God will give us the gift of a child, it may not come all wrapped up with a nice shiny bow on it, but it will be a gift from God. And, I for one will say that there was no way I was not meant to be a mom. We will have a family one day, whether it’s biologically or through adoption.
Each November Brian, our pastor at Encounter, does a series that talks about storms. One year it was titled “storm chasers” and another was called “chase the lion”, it’s where he sits down with couples/individuals and talks to them about a “storm” they have gone through. These “storms” as we call it could be dealing with grief from losing a loved one, or a spouse who had an affair and they worked through it and recommitted their life to one another. Well, this is our storm and how we handle it will be our testimony to others. This topic always reminds me of the Casting Crowns song, “Praise You In The Storm”. As we sang it on Sunday, it has a whole new meaning now! I love this song:
Praise you in this storm
I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it’s still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
“I’m with you”
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.
Chorus:
And I’ll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I’ve cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can’t find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes onto the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
This was “my song” during our infertility storm too and then later during our adoption wait. I’m praying for you guys and am sorry you’re having to walk this road.
*hugs*
Our prayers are with you and we understand the tears & anticipation . There were many turns in our storm. It seemed to keep turning around and coming at us from differing directions. Our storm, as you know ended with not 1, but 2 adoptive placemants. We know now that God had it planned that way all along. But at the time it was hard to see the otherside when it was so dark inside that storm. When the last door closed in 1991 we didn’t hear it until 4 years later. But God opened the window all the way then and we could see the end of the storm.
Laurie – I have been reading through your blog and really enjoying getting to know you through your writing. I really enjoyed meeting you and Jonathan the other night and wanted to get to know you guys more. I will be keeping you and Jonathan in my prayers. I love the song you mentioned in this post – the lyrics are so beautiful. God Bless!