A friend of mine raised some questions about Ephesians 5:22-33 on her blog yesterday, she asked for my response so I thought I’d share my thoughts here as well….
Everyone loves to use this passage for one reason or another… but we leave off the entire first part of Chapter 5.
What leads Paul to talk about these things in verses 22-33?
(of course starting with Ephesians Chp 1:1 isn’t a bad idea either — it helps set the stage even more…)
Watch what God does, and then you do it, like children who learn proper behavior from their parents. Mostly what God does is love you. Keep company with him and learn a life of love. Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn’t love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that.
Don’t allow love to turn into lust, setting off a downhill slide into sexual promiscuity, filthy practices, or bullying greed. Though some tongues just love the taste of gossip, those who follow Jesus have better uses for language than that. Don’t talk dirty or silly. That kind of talk doesn’t fit our style. Thanksgiving is our dialect.
You can be sure that using people or religion or things just for what you can get out of them—the usual variations on idolatry—will get you nowhere, and certainly nowhere near the kingdom of Christ, the kingdom of God.
Don’t let yourselves get taken in by religious smooth talk. God gets furious with people who are full of religious sales talk but want nothing to do with him. Don’t even hang around people like that.
You groped your way through that murk once, but no longer. You’re out in the open now. The bright light of Christ makes your way plain. So no more stumbling around. Get on with it! The good, the right, the true—these are the actions appropriate for daylight hours. Figure out what will please Christ, and then do it.
Don’t waste your time on useless work, mere busywork, the barren pursuits of darkness. Expose these things for the sham they are. It’s a scandal when people waste their lives on things they must do in the darkness where no one will see. Rip the cover off those frauds and see how attractive they look in the light of Christ.
Wake up from your sleep,
Climb out of your coffins;
Christ will show you the light!So watch your step. Use your head. Make the most of every chance you get. These are desperate times!
Don’t live carelessly, unthinkingly. Make sure you understand what the Master wants.
Don’t drink too much wine. That cheapens your life. Drink the Spirit of God, huge draughts of him. Sing hymns instead of drinking songs! Sing songs from your heart to Christ. Sing praises over everything, any excuse for a song to God the Father in the name of our Master, Jesus Christ.
Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another.
Then Paul goes into his teaching on relationships even more deeply (verses 22-33).
But we can’t forget the first portion of this chapter.
Watch what God does — and then do it.
His love was not cautious but extravagant.
He didn’t love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us.
Love like that.
It’s been said (and I’ve repeated it) — marriage is not 50/50. It’s 100/100. True partnership — just like the trinity — mutual submission to one another.
We don’t love our spouse simply because they make us feel all warm and fuzzy inside — we love them because we’ve committed to love them (forever and ever until death do us part).
Love is not just some feeling you get — its a verb.
It’s an action verb.
You have to do it.
And sometimes it sucks and you don’t want to — but that’s what sets believers in Jesus apart. We love even when it’s the last thing we would want to do.
And so even when our spouse isn’t treating us as we believe they should — we still love. We still submit — husbands to wives and wives to husbands.
As a husband seeking to follow God in the way of Jesus, I believe that if my wife doesn’t want to do something, my desires and wants take a back seat. Or if she wants to do something and I don’t, I get off my ass and help her with it. (Don’t think I’m saying I’ve got this down pat — I’ve still got a lot of work to do in both of these areas.)
Of course, I’d hope she’d feel the same way as my wife — but that’s not my role to judge or force upon her.
I learned early on that forcing something upon someone doesn’t do any good. But loving someone can change hearts, minds and souls.
Ultimately, the onus is on me as the husband in this passage.
Paul instructs me to love my wife as Christ loved the church. And how did Christ love the church? He laid down his life for her. He died for her — showing the ultimate sacrifice.
So sure, I’d love for my wife to submit to me all the time — but that’s not my worry. My worry and my role is to lay down my life for her in the continual example of self-sacrificial love.
Love with self-sacrificial love those who are closest to you so you can learn to love those who are distant from you as well.
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So what do you think? Any wives want to weigh in? Any husbands disagree?
UPDATE: Drew Tatusko has a good perspective on this ideas as well.
