I’ve really been impressed and appreciative of all the things Jason Kovacs does. It’s been great getting to know him and his ministry over the last several months via his blogs and Twitter (@jasonkovacs).
Last week, Jason shared a great post on what he learned from the story of Hannah (1 Samuel 1) and her husband in Scripture…
Hannah taught me that it is natural for a woman to desire to have children. Woman all around the world can relate to her. My wife painfully longed to be a mother. Initially I didn’t know what to do with her emotional response to not being pregnant. To me it seemed so disproportionate to how I felt…. I felt like Hannah’s husband, who said to her: “why is your heart sad? Am I not more to you than ten sons?†That approach didn’t work in Hannah’s day and it still doesn’t work today.
I ditto that statement. I will never fully understand the pain and sadness that Laurie feels as we struggle with our infertility. Yes, my heart hurts because we haven’t been able to get pregnant — but my desire is no where near that of Laurie’s.
I’ll be honest, I’m a guy (surprise!).
I want to fix things.
I want to make it all better — especially as it relates to Laurie.
So I’m so thankful that Laurie’s been gracious and understanding to me — even in my lack of understanding towards her.
Along the way, I’ve struggled with trying to encourage her to look towards the future without diminishing her own personal desires for the experience and joy of childbirth — and she graciously reminds me, “You don’t understand and I don’t expect you too.”
It’s such an odd place to be.
More painful than divorce…
Jason shares a bit from an article he found while working through the struggles he and his wife faced…
In one study, 63% of women who experienced both infertility and divorce rated their infertility as more painful than their divorce. In another study, women who experienced either chronic or life-threatening diseases ranked the emotional pain of infertility at similar levels to that of terminal illness.
Dealing with infertility is hard. Your Godgiven desire to have children is thwarted. As you grow up, people say to you, “When you get married and have your kids….†Everyone assumes fertility.
Infertility shatters your identity. You have a picture in your mind. You are married. You have a house with a white picket fence. You have a minivan and a big dog. But where are the children? Infertility shatters this rosy picture.
Infertility is often misunderstood. People take it lightly. A person with a chronic disease or terminal illness gets support from all those around them. But to a couple struggling with infertility, these same people offer platitudes. “Count all your blessings.†If one couple says they want kids, another says, “Take mine!â€
One in six couples struggles with infertility. One in four couples over the age of thirty-five struggles with infertility. In your church, in your workplace, in your circle of friends, couples struggle with infertility. These couples need your support and care.
I mentioned that first paragraph to Laurie last week and she said she can totally understand and agree with that.
That breaks my heart.
I hope and pray that I can be more understanding of her along the way.
This article not only helps me understand what she’s going through but also helps me in general as we deal with our infertility.
The article, ‘The Bible and the Pain of Infertility,’ by Kimberly Monroe and Philip Monroe, is only nine pages long and is super helpful.
I encourage you to read it — even if you’re not dealing with this struggle personally — it might help you understand some of what we (and 1 in 6 couples) are dealing with.
It’s available for download on the Abba Fund website.
As a bonus resource – I found the Foster Parenting Podcast thanks to a recent comment here on my blog. Good stuff! Listen in and enjoy.
