{"id":1150,"date":"2006-06-06T10:03:00","date_gmt":"2006-06-06T16:03:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.casadeblundell.com\/jonathan\/?p=1150"},"modified":"2013-06-11T07:30:28","modified_gmt":"2013-06-11T13:30:28","slug":"steven-colbert-at-knox-university","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/casadeblundell.com\/jonathan\/steven-colbert-at-knox-university\/","title":{"rendered":"Steven Colbert at Knox University"},"content":{"rendered":"

Thanks to PinkDome<\/A> for the link<\/span>…
\nSteven Colbert gave the commencement speach<\/span> at Knox University this weekend. Hillarious.
\nSome of my favorites:<\/p>\n

But, I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t think you actually have to say it for us to imagine Jesus laughing. In the famous episode where there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a storm on the lake, and the fishermen are out there. And they see Jesus on the shore, and Jesus walks across the stormy waters to the boat. And St. Peter thinks, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153I can do this. I can do this. He keeps telling us to have faith and we can do anything. I can do this.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d So he steps out of the boat and he walks for\u00e2\u20ac\u201dI don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know, it doesn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t say\u00e2\u20ac\u201da few feet, without sinking into the waves. But then he looks down, and he sees how stormy the seas are. He loses his faith and he begins to sink. And Jesus hot-foots it over and pulls him from the waves and says, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Oh you of little faith.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d I can\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t imagine Jesus wasn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t suppressing a laugh. How hilarious must it have been to watch Peter\u00e2\u20ac\u201dlike Wile E. Coyote\u00e2\u20ac\u201dtake three steps on the water and then sink into the waves.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Today is about you\u00e2\u20ac\u201dyou who have worked so hard to pack your heads with learning until your skulls are all plump like\u00e2\u20ac\u201dsausage of knowledge. It\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s an apt metaphor, don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t question it. But now your time at college is at an end. Now you are leaving here. And this leads me to a question that just isn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t asked enough at commencements. Why are you leaving here?
\nThis seems like a very nice place. They have a lovely Web site. Besides, have you seen the world outside lately? They are playing for KEEPS out there, folks. My God, I couldn\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t wait to get here today just so I could take a breather from the real world. I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t know if they told you what\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s happened while you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve matriculated here for the past four years. The world is waiting for you people with a club. Unprecedented changes happening in the last four years. Like globalization. We now live in a hyperconnected, global economic, outsourced society. Now there are positives and minuses here. And a positive is that globalization helps us understand and learn from otherwise foreign cultures. For example, I now know how to ask for a Happy Meal in five different languages. In Paris, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122d like a \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Repas Heureux\u00e2\u20ac\u009d In Madrid a \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Comida Feliz\u00e2\u20ac\u009d In Calcutta, a \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Kushkana, hold the beef.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d In Tokyo, a \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Happi- shokuji \u00e2\u20ac\u009d And in Berlin, I can order what is perhaps the least happy-sounding Happy Meal, a \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Gl\u00c3\u00bcckselig Mahlzeit.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Unfortunately for you job seekers, corporations searching for a better bottom line have moved many of their operations overseas, whether it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a customer service operator, a power factory foreman, or an American flag manufacturer. They\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re just as likely to be found in Shanghai as Omaha. In fact, outsourcing is so easy that I had this speech today written by a young man named Panjeeb from Bangalore.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And when you enter the workforce, you will find competition from those crossing our all-too-porous borders. Now I know you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re all going to say, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Stephen, Stephen, immigrants built America.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Yes, but here\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s the thing\u00e2\u20ac\u201dit\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s built now. I think it was finished in the mid-70s sometime. At this point it\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a touch-up and repair job. But thankfully Congress is acting and soon English will be the official language of America. Because if we surrender the national anthem to Spanish, the next thing you know, they\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll be translating the Bible. God wrote it in English for a reason! So it could be taught in our public schools.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Well, you are about to start the greatest improvisation of all. With no script. No idea what\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s going to happen, often with people and places you have never seen before. And you are not in control. So say \u00e2\u20ac\u0153yes.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d And if you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122re lucky, you\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ll find people who will say \u00e2\u20ac\u0153yes\u00e2\u20ac\u009d back.
\nNow will saying \u00e2\u20ac\u0153yes\u00e2\u20ac\u009d get you in trouble at times? Will saying \u00e2\u20ac\u0153yes\u00e2\u20ac\u009d lead you to doing some foolish things? Yes it will. But don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t be afraid to be a fool. Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics. Cynicism masquerades as wisdom, but it is the farthest thing from it. Because cynics don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t learn anything. Because cynicism is a self-imposed blindness, a rejection of the world because we are afraid it will hurt us or disappoint us. Cynics always say no. But saying \u00e2\u20ac\u0153yes\u00e2\u20ac\u009d begins things. Saying \u00e2\u20ac\u0153yes\u00e2\u20ac\u009d is how things grow. Saying \u00e2\u20ac\u0153yes\u00e2\u20ac\u009d leads to knowledge. \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Yes\u00e2\u20ac\u009d is for young people. So for as long as you have the strength to, say \u00e2\u20ac\u0153yes.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I have two last pieces of advice. First, being pre-approved for a credit card does not mean you have to apply for it. And lastly, the best career advice I can give you is to get your own TV show. It pays well, the hours are good, and you are famous. And eventually some very nice people will give you a doctorate in fine arts for doing jack squat.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Thanks to PinkDome for the link… Steven Colbert gave the commencement speach at Knox University this weekend. Hillarious. Some of my favorites: But, I don\u00e2\u20ac\u2122t think you actually have to say it for us to imagine Jesus laughing. In the famous episode where there\u00e2\u20ac\u2122s a storm on the lake, and the fishermen are out there. … Continue reading Steven Colbert at Knox University<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":84,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1150","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pEnSo-iy","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/casadeblundell.com\/jonathan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1150","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/casadeblundell.com\/jonathan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/casadeblundell.com\/jonathan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/casadeblundell.com\/jonathan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/84"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/casadeblundell.com\/jonathan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1150"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/casadeblundell.com\/jonathan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1150\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":10706,"href":"http:\/\/casadeblundell.com\/jonathan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1150\/revisions\/10706"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/casadeblundell.com\/jonathan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1150"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/casadeblundell.com\/jonathan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1150"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/casadeblundell.com\/jonathan\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1150"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}